


Undercover (and other moments of questionable author sanity)

by QMC



Series: Snippets Series [2]
Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Gen, Humor, Silly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-04-21 01:31:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14274024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QMC/pseuds/QMC
Summary: Don't mind me...***





	1. Undercover (6,1)

“Is this truly necessary?”

Zechs sat crooked on the vanity counter, turned towards the mirror, dusting down his face and torso with a large, pastel coloured something that resembled a pom-pom.

“It's required for the mission,” came Heero's no-nonsense reply. “Are you finished with that?”

“Mm-hm.”

Zechs tossed the loaded puff towards Heero on a direct line for his head. Heero intercepted the bundle before impact but was still greeted with a cloud of iridescent powder in the face. He looked to the side and began patting himself down over top of his undershit. A few minutes later he hissed.

“What?”

“I can't get the bite marks to stick.”

“There's a barbeque fork in the kitchenette.” Zechs was still facing the mirror, this time gingerly fitting two acrylic tooth caps.

“Nice try. I've seen your performance records with handheld weapons.” Heero was searching through the duffel bag full of black clothing and costume jewellery while wearing an as-yet unaltered expression of dissatisfaction.

“Touch of realism?” Zechs smiled in his reflection, revealing newly pointed canines.

Heero just glared.

“That one's for you.” He tossed Zechs a dress shirt of black silk to match nicely with his black pants and black shoes. The shirt was open in the front and notably lacked buttons.

“Tell me again why Duo isn't doing this?”

“Unavailable.” Heero secured denim jeans with a silver studded belt while Zechs slipped into the shirt. “And for once you won't stick out.”

Zechs glared, before turning to take an appraising look at himself in the mirror. Heero stood next to him and gave himself a once over. “The convention is in two hours.”

“Target is in attendance?” Zechs was leaning over and inserting a contact lens that just slightly altered his eye colour.

“Affirmative.” Heero turned back to the duffel bag to pack up the supplies. He turned to Zechs. “First one to back the mark into a corner is the winner.”

Zechs turned to Heero. “And the loser?”

A smile tugged at Heero's lip. “Wears the glitter and teeth at work for a week.”

Zechs returned a similar smile. “You're on.”


	2. Doodles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> um...I forgot what brought this one on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally written October, 2010. Minor edits, because of a horrendous cliche that had to be excised, and some spelling errors.

In all probability, it should have been a normal day. Sure, someone had decided to lighten the mood a little bit, leaving drawings lying folded on desks and office doors, but nothing that should have caused any great disturbance among the normal Preventer routine.

Folded neatly on Sally's desk was a picture of her with a mermaid's tail brandishing a trident. A note at the top read “Agent Water.” In Noin's desk drawer, a drawing of “Agent Fire” leading a flaming chariot drawn by lions. Une might have had a few words to say, were she present. Taped to her office door was a pencil drawing depicting her, in uniform, thumbing her nose at a clocked figure dubbed “E.V.I.L” while holding the Earth like a basketball.

The first hint of thing being amiss that morning was the rumpled drawing that was used to mop of a spilled cup of coffee. It looked that way. The cup was still lying sideways across the table. The coffee coated paper depicted Dorothy with her dramatic eyebrows lengthened and possibly emitting radio waves: eyebrows that, judging from the cartoonish speech bubbles, also had the ability to read minds.

Tacked up behind the coffee maker itself was a two paged picture showing Heero and Zechs leaning up against a brick wall, looking like two James Deans, except Heero was wearing a radio collar coloured pink and Zechs wore a sign that read “If I am lost please return me to L. Noin.” It was official. Preventer Headquarters had been thoroughly infiltrated.

Headquarters had a security breach, Une was away, and the bits of paper were everywhere. It didn't take long for the snickers to turn into laughs, for the glares to turn into snarls, for occasional bleating hysterics followed by occasional loud “thumps.”

The coffee room and a few office doors were far from the only targets. On a bulletin board was a lanky youth with his hair growing over one eye, wearing a clown costume, and the caption “do not approach without Kevlar.” In the medical ward was a picture of a very tiny Heero inside a pill bottle with the label “keep away from explosive materials, firearms, and sharp objects.” Quatre was in a teacup shaped hot tub with a cup of hot tea. “Agent Wind” was finally found taped to the mirror in the atrium. He was flying in grand and artistic fashion above a very large tornado, while wearing very little clothing. The picture was on long, uncut paper and coiled down to the floor. Someone had taken the liberty of moving it to Noin's office door.

It was about this time at least one agent decided to take it upon himself to find the culprit. The possibility of an inside job was most likely, and there was one “target” conspicuously missing.

“Childish nonsense!” A shout was heard from the direction of the workout room. “Duo! Where are you?!”

The agent in question was running down another hallway and skidded to stop in front of Wufei at the cross. “Whoa! Where did you come from?”

Wufei thrust the picture into Duo's face. A decidedly familiar looking Chinese featured warrior stood upon a craggy rock, in a furred loincloth, dao proudly held high in the air above his head which was adorned with a horned helm.

Duo's eyes were quite wide. “That's a new look for you.”

“Are you going to admit it was you?”

“I wasn't me!”

“We have yet to see yours.”

“It's right here.” Duo, in return, held a creased piece of paper in Wufei's face. Wufei was presented with the image of Duo, naked, with a coy expression on his face while he stood upon a clam shell, his unbound hair only just preserving his modesty. “At least you got underwear.” Duo handed back Wufei's paper.

Wufei smirked. “My apologies, and condolences.” He handed back one piece of paper and pocketed the second one. Before he strode back to his office.  
Duo winked, even though he doubted his comrade could see him. “It is pretty funny though!” He looked over to Trowa and Quatre who just arrived through the office door. “Hey! You're just in time for the laughs.” Duo waved the paper in his hand and was greeted by Wufei, the Barbarian.

“What- hey!” Duo raced down the hallway where Wufei had left while Trowa grabbed the fluttering piece of paper.

“I think we missed something.” Trowa considered the picture of Wufei. “These aren't bad.”

“Why does everything think I'm obsessed with tea?!”


	3. Dumb Blondes (6x9, 4, 9+11)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to 2010 for this one. Some changes to a couple sentences and words.

Anne walked down the sidewalk towards her car. She was still in uniform, still head of Preventer, but her hair was down, her signet pin in her purse, and 'Lady Une' with it. “Anne” was strictly off duty.

She wouldn't have stopped if she hadn't seen him in the window, and been positive that it couldn't possibly have been him. Same blonde hair, same blue eyes, same face handsome enough to be the envy of every plastic surgeon from Paris to L4, except that face was tilted sideways, that hair was pooled on the table, and those eyes were dimly focused on a woman across from him at the table they were sitting at. The woman at the table was not his partner.

She wouldn't have gone into the open door either, if a familiar voice hadn't called out and she looked to see the woman, who _should_ have been sitting across from him, waving from a booth inside.

“Anne” she said, when the Preventer boss walked inside.

“Lucy” was the returned greeting. “Lucy” was also strictly off duty and off record. Lucretia waved her friend to the empty part of the booth and one of the staff came over to offer a drink order.

“I didn't expect you to be here tonight.”

“I had no intention to. But that,” Anne gestured towards Zechs, “is not normal. Care to explain?”

Noin smiled, and pointed to another table a few feet away. “And that?”

Dark rum on the way, Anne looked to see one Quatre Winner – always Quatre Winner no matter what time of day – looking fascinated while a young lady next to him appeared to be explaining something.

“Tell me there is a reason for this and that I'm not about to lose two of my best agents to what I assumed was only stereotype?”

Noin smiled again, “it's a game of sorts. How…simple can they get before people stop buying them drinks. I believe Zechs is down to using only monosyllabic words and Quatre is counting petty equations on his fingers.”

Rum on the table, Anne paused with her hand mid-way to the glass. “I don't know which half of the species I should be more bothered by.”

“The man to the left of the bartender has been trying to flirt with Zechs for about half an hour now.”

“Too dumb to pick up on the innuendo?”

“I insist he not pick up on the innuendo.” Noin tipped up her own glass to flash the silver ring on her finger. Anne finished her rum. The woman across from Quatre looked like she might start jangling her car keys in front of him.

“I _will_ have two functional agents on Monday, I assume?”

“I can't guarantee that. That brunette there is pretty persistent.”

“As long as they don't show up with stupefied faces.”

Noin smiled. “Don't worry. When the lack of intelligence starts to look too genuine we call it quits.”

“Haven't yet reached the threshold of stupidity?”

There was a loud 'thud' and the women looked over to see Zechs tangled in a heap with his chair, lifting his long hair away from his face, and probably apologizing.

“What do you think?”


End file.
